I started to feel better. I have started to feel better, but any one little blow will set me back. And everything feels like a blow. And everything is controlled by cancer.
Why can't I be happy and social, and just fall in love and be so happy? I'm willing to take all the risks, and break my heart again, and have it be my risk. I meaN THERE must be something that I am not doing that I should be doing that is the magical key to fixing the wrongs that I am making. I'm so sad. I'm so sad that I can't have what I want.
Recognize that it's a bad situation, and just focus on the good. It is just what it is. Temporary and moving. It is a journey. I suppose. But it's hard to see any good, when the bad is so full right now.
I wanted a new dress for graduation. Something beautiful and special and grown up. Then I've also been talking to someone who I like. You know, like like. So that makes me want to buy special pretty undergarmets. Which is ridiculous because I'm not liked back, and if I was to be loved by someone, I want it to be someone who desparately wants me to be there, or someone who is willing to give it all up for me.
I don't want babies. I don't want to talk about them. I don't want anything to do with them. Uggh. It's ok, but in my head it feels like you are shoving your baby agenda down my throat. Which is just in my head.
I'm due for some good luck and the tides to turn.
I
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