Casey and Laura do not have a baby. I don't really know if they are trying right now, or waiting, but at some point in time in the future, I do think they will and I am so in love with that little baby. Why is it that new life is happy and joyous when we know that there is an end that is miserable and terrible. And it is too. Fucking awful and miserable.
I am do not want a baby. I don't know why anyone would. Stupid preggers and their lording of their feminine whiles and ways and body parts that I chose to notuse and shit.
Dear Baby,
You don't even exist yet, and these people already want you and love you. I even already love you and I hate everything right now. And I really don't want to love you. But I want to see you succeed and grow up and be happy and healthy and smart and wise. I want to spend time with you and know you and be in your life all the time, but at the end of the day, I want to give you back, so that your parents can deal with the hard part. I am the perfect grandma, but the worst mom. We will hate each other. A baby of my own. They would resent me and all my decisions, the same way I feel. They will find some reason to be angry.
Why is it that we are so programmed to reproduce and keep moving along?
Why is it that I am attracted to my so far distance past? If distance doesn't exist between us, I mean didn't exist between us I would probably attempt to have sex with you every night of the week and perhaps accomplish nothing else. Why not?
Oh, using sex and drugs and rock and roll to escape my problems is apparently unhealthy. This is very confusing. Very confusing. All I wanted to do was talk about shit because talking about stuff and thinking about stuff is so great, and at first no one would think about shit with me, but now I am talking to too many people and all the conversations are getting confused inside of the gray matter that is my brain.
Fuck
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