This blog was supposed to exist to keep me accountable. But I have fallen off the band wagon. I cancelled my gym membership today and am attempting to get my money back for some trainging sessions. It's not a small amount by any means. It's a large amount.
I have exactly one week of school left as of today. This time next week, I will be a college graduate! How crazy is that? It is hard to believe really.
I've always wanted to write, and even though I have all of these thoughts and ideas in my head, it seems like I don't have anything interesting to say ever. But it must be interesting to someone else. With a world population of 6.8 billion people, someone else might care a little what I'm going through? It's strange that I think that when I feel so isolated from the people who are my "friends." I frequently wonder what that word even means.
I'm pretty sure that if I had discovered the little piece of magic in the world that I discovered last summer in high school when I was into writing poetry, that shit would have been amazing. Ahhhh-maaaaaa-zing. I thought it would be a really good idea to write right now because I would have interesting thoughts. And disssam that shit really is, but it's sort of boring to write, but the words do just flow right out. Sometimes though it seems to be the wrong word, so I have to go back and delete it. I wonder if I write some truth, is Cassie will see it and blab it to her parentios, and then they will blab it their siblings, and then everybody be up in my business. Fuck that, right. It's my truth, so why hide it from the world. Nah, hide it just that part. There are things that people don't want to know even though they do think that they want to know. But once you know, you certainly can't unknow. Oh, dude, I am like the best spell checker ever and I have super Doogie Howser vision. I think that may be a stupid thought, but hey there it is.
I'm starting to feel angry at Daddy. And I feel like if he walked in right now and was like what is going on, and I told them that he would understand why I feel so angry at him. If he hadn't gotten sick, I wouldn't have had to come home for two months. I wouldn't have had to spend all my money and savings and dip into my school loan money. And then when I came back to work I wouldn't have bad to have been so poor right now. And then I wouldn't have to skip buying groceries because I'm so poor. And I wouldn't have had to stop working out. And I wouldn't be all suicidal depressed. And I wouldn't have to figure out how to pay for this stupid speeding ticket right now.
And I wouldn't have to be angry at mom, and I wouldn't have to use the word fucktard so much. Damn.
This isn't as interesting as I thought it would be, but maybe with some additional practice I will get better at it, and this shit will actually make sense. I also wonder...something, but I forget.
I wonder if bicycling would be fun, but still I have realized that I am afraid to go places that I am unfamiliar with while in such a state, but it's because I'm afraid that I will get lost. So, this is boring now, and I'm going to go do something else. Yeah, thanks.
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