Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Where are the endorphins? Realizing fears.

Today my Achilles felt pretty good, so I decided I would try to run a little bit.  I mostly walked at an incline, and then would run for two minutes, and then walked more, and then ran again.  I went for 65 minutes altogether.  I just did a slow jog, because today was not about setting some new record.  It was about seeing how I was feeling.  But it's weird how I didn't really get that feel better feeling.

And I was thinking as I was on the treadmill, doing the same thing that I always do, that I still kind of live in fear when it comes to using the gym equipment.  I've been there for the past year and a half and I know how to use lots of different machines, but when it comes to doing it on my own, I still get nervous and feel embarrassed.  I don't want to be like that.  I don't know why I have so much anxiety about it.  It's one thing to have the trainer tell me what to do, and I don't look stupid because they are telling me what to do.  I guess I still feel like I look stupid when I am doing it on my own.  That's so very very silly.  I really just need a buddy.  Oh how I long for female companionship....

Today's success: Running a little bit and not having it hurt.  Being in control enough to not over do it and hurt myself again.
Today's setbacks: Feeling negative about self image.  I have the world's biggest calves, and I am so not in love with them right now.  Much, much, much too big.

1 comment:

  1. I know, that's why I hate inclines, it seems like they make your calves bigger!

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